what I would give to be an upper-middle class bitch with hundreds of dollars to spend on doc martens and thrifted clothes
Me, in high school
(via drunk4you)
Cute pet names to call your significant other:
-Incandescent One
-Golden and Shimmering One
-Master of the Crabs
-Seething Nuclear Chaos
-Lobster of the Deep
-Leech of the Aeons
-Ultimate Abomination
-Black Goat of the Woods With a Thousand Young
somehow I don’t think “master of the crabs” is a good nickname for a SO….
better to be master of crabs than a servant to them
yo
(via itsagifnotagif)
Life’s toughヽ（´ー｀）┌
Someone: and you know, I’m quite heavy, over 200 pounds now
Me, internally: are you trying to flirt with me or what
One day you won’t (manage to) put on that tight shirt or pants to pretend you’re still fit and your pudgy tummy will stick out even more, darling… 💖💖
Stop hiding and embrace you’re becoming gloriously soft (｡♥‿♥｡)
Complain to me how much weight you have gained while you have been dating me, and how none of your clothes fit you anymore, as I feed you another slice of pizza💕🤤🤤
(via im-not-even-sorry)
how u gonna say u hate bein cold then not gain 100lbs smh
in 2019 my big fat cowboy boyfriend will appear and call me the rose of the saloon and my childhood trauma will disappear
One of the silly memes i made while texting with my best friend 😂😋
